Another Year Has Gone By

I remember the day I found out I was pregnant.  I think every mom prays that their child is born safe and healthy, I know I did.  I remember the day Cole was born, my sweet healthy boy.  Good size, good height, all 10 fingers and all 10 toes.  I remember feeling blessed at how easy Cole was.  He ate well, he slept well and he hardly fussed.  He was a great baby.  Looking back maybe he was so easy to help us spot when something was obviously really wrong. 

By the time Cole was a year old it seemed he was already eating and drinking like a 5 year old.  So on March 18, 2013 when Cole refused to eat we knew something was really wrong.  Even in previous sicknesses he still ate like a champ.  Cole’s breathing was becoming very labored as well.  We took him to his pediatrician.  She vowed not to let him leave her office until she could figure out what was wrong. 

I will not go into the rest of the story because we know the rest of the story….the dreaded Type 1 Diabetes diagnoses.  I will say I am so thankful for the doctor that day for essentially saving our son’s life, other people are not so lucky.

Our world has changed in the past 2 years since diagnoses.  I am getting use to the fact that my child is on life support and will be for the rest of his life.  Without the insulin that we give him, Cole would die.  There is no amount of exercise or change in diet that will ever change that fact.  His body has to be given his insulin in order to survive.  There is no cinnamon cure.  There is no okra cure.  Plexus doesn’t cure it. LCHF diet does not cure it. THERE IS NO CURE.  My child is kept alive by one small machine run by one AAA battery.  My child is poked in the thigh once every 2 to 3 days in order to insert the cannula that is connected to a tube which runs to his pump which contains his insulin.  This pump is not an all knowing pump.  This pump does not cure his diabetes.  This pump is operated by me.  I tell the pump what to do.  I take a lancet and poke my 3 year old’s finger and make blood come out to check his blood glucose level.  I enter that number into his pump.  I look at the plate of food that he eats and determine to the best of my ability the amount of carbs that go into his mouth.  If I am wrong the pump does not correct me.  If I am wrong his blood sugar will go high if I did not give him enough insulin.  Going high causes damages to his organs and effects his life in the long run.  If I give him too much, he will go low.  Going low could cause a seizure or if not corrected soon enough he could die.

This is a huge weight that I carry with me each and every day.  Diabetes does not sleep, it does not take a break and it does not go on vacation.  One day Cole will take over and have to deal with his own diabetes (of course I will always be here for him).  I pray that he is okay with it.  Some kids have a hard time.  This is a lifelong auto immune disease.  Cole did nothing to bring this on himself. He will always have to deal with the pokes, the injections, the carb counting and the monitoring.  When he gets older he will have to deal with the joys of insurance companies and the cost of diabetes.  He will never be able to do anything to make this go away.  Diabetes may not be who he is but it is what he has.   

As his mom I am glad that diabetes is manageable.  I will tell you it’s a pain in the booty and hard work but it’s definitely manageable.  I prayed before he was born that he would be healthy and safe.  For the most part he’s healthy.  Sure he’s been poked in his fingers over 6,000 times in the past 2 years, endured over 2,000 injections, over 170 site changes (for his pump) and 104 sensor changes but he’s doing good.  Now when I pray at night I pray for a cure.  I also give an option for great technological advances that will cause my son less pain in dealing with his diabetes.  Then I pray for Cole’s happiness. 

I will not let Diabetes stop Cole from living his life to the fullest.  In the end it’s his happiness that matters… and so far he’s happy so I must be doing something right.