3 Years Ago Today

Three years ago today, I was waiting at the doctor to find out what was going on with my son.  Three years ago today, I took my first ambulance ride, sitting next to my 13 month old son.  Three years ago today, I watched my baby get poked multiple times while the PICU staff tried to get 2 IV’s started in him.  Three years ago today, my child laid limp in my arms while I tried to provide him comfort. Three years ago today, my child was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes.

Cole turned 4 last month and we celebrated 4 years of life with Cole.  This month is Cole’s 3 year diversary (it’s been 3 years since his Type 1 diagnoses).  While we do not celebrate having diabetes, we are celebrating that diabetes hasn’t slowed him down.  So what’s in store tonight for his celebration?  Well a night at Gattiland of course and his favorite dessert (a chocolate mousse cake from Costco).  That’s right pizza and chocolate cake for our little diabetic.  Diabetics can eat like everyone else.  We just give insulin to cover carbs.  Pizza used to cause crazy numbers when Cole ate it but now 3 years later I have (for the most part) figured out how much insulin he needs and when he needs it (pizza causes a delayed spike in blood sugars often seen in Cole about 2 hours after eating pizza). 

The past 3 years we have had our ups and downs.  The first year Cole was so young.  He was 13 months when diagnosed.  We would give him at least 6 injections a day to give him the insulin he needed to live his life.  Cole was so good about it for the most part.  He had his bad days but there weren’t that many.  Year 2 was pretty good.  We had switched to the pump during year 1 and he received a CGM (continuous glucose monitor).  This significantly made things easier for Cole.  If he wanted milk he could have milk without getting a shot.  It was great.  Cole did the site and sensor changes relatively well.  This year though there have been a lot more tears.  A lot more “please don’t make me do this.” A lot more “it hurts me please don’t do my site.” A lot more “I am scared.” And a lot more “when I get older will I still have diabetes?” 

It’s hard listening to your 4 year old say that he doesn’t want to have diabetes.  It’s really hard watching him cry every 3 days when it’s time to do a new pump site.  I think for the most part it’s anxiety that he has.  Most of the time after the site changes he says it doesn’t hurt but on occasion they hurt and that’s what he remembers for the next time.  What helps me get through this is how strong Cole is.  Usually within a minute or less after the site change, he’s back to running around playing and laughing.  He goes through a lot in his life and yet he still smiles 99.9% of the time. 

Over the past 3 years I have learned that my 4 year old is braver than I will ever be.  He deals with a lot every day. 6-10 finger pokes a day, a new pump site every 2-3 days, a new sensor every 7-14 days, the way the high and low blood sugar makes him feel, the way he feels after a quick drop or quick rise in his blood sugar, nights when he runs high forever for whatever reason (sick, stressed, growth spurt, etc) and we can’t seem to get him down no matter how much insulin we give him.  His little body goes through a lot yet he’s laughing, playing, singing, dancing, swimming, playing baseball or just smiling away like nothing is wrong. 

Of course as a mother I want nothing more than to take away the pain from the site changes, the sensor changes and the finger pokes but I can’t.  That’s a hard pill to swallow being a mom.  There is nothing that I can do to change this for Cole.  This is Cole’s way of life from here on out.  There is no cure.  This does not go away.  This does not get better.  Of course I pray every night not just for a cure (because I am not sure we will see one anytime soon) but I pray for technological advances that might be less painful or be able to make his numbers more controlled to help decrease the chances of complications later in his life.  I know technology has come a long way.  Pumps are improving, CGMS are improving and let’s not forget parents of Type 1 kiddos that are out there inventing their own things.  Like Nightscout for example.  I can now view Cole’s blood glucose numbers on my watch because of the parents that created Nightscout.  Nightscout gives me a piece of mind when I am away from Cole (which isn’t very often) and even when I am with Cole.  It is so easy just to glance at my watch to see his numbers.  While I would really really love a cure, I hope the technology keeps on improving.  For now I will continue to be Cole’s pancreas to the best of my ability with the help from his little blue insulin pump and his CGM.

Three years down and a lifetime to go….. or until there is a CURE!