Mother's Day

I sit here at 11:15pm on the day before mother’s day staring at my only child’s blood sugar monitor while I should be sleeping.  The reading is 110.  I have watched it slowly go up in the past 20 minutes from 107.  I don’t want to wake him to give him juice, as there is hope that I do not need to disrupt his sleep in order to jack his blood sugar up enough to make me feel comfortable to sleep.  So I will sit here a little while longer watching to make sure he’s trending upwards and does not start dropping again.  111 is the new reading… seems to be promising.

This is my life now.  Watching, waiting and making sure he is ok.  Yes I know every parent watches their child to make sure they are ok, but I watch to make sure his numbers don’t drop significantly in his sleep causing him to die.  I watch to make sure his numbers don’t stay so high for so long that it causes significant organ damage when he gets older.  Just recently a 15 year old type 1 diabetic passed away in her sleep.  You can bet your ass I was scared to death to give my son the correction he needed when it was bed time after reading that story.  In fact I didn’t give him all the correction he needed and ended up having to give him more insulin 3 hours later to correct my mistake or my scaredness (not really a word but whatever). 

Being a mother for the first time:  Cole was a great baby.  The first 13 months I consider us to be very lucky.  He was an easy baby (well minus his spit up issues).  He was and still is incredibly happy.  He smiles and laughs all the time.  He was always a good sleeper.  We were blessed to have such a great baby. 

Then 13 months hit and our world changed.  Cole would still be a great sleeper except we have to poke his finger every night before we go to sleep and then again at 2:00am.  Sometimes he sleeps through the pokes which is great… other times even if he sleeps through them we have to wake him for a juice.  I am so thankful for the pump.  We use to have to wake him almost every night at 2:00am for a shot.  Can you imagine being 1 years old and being woken up every night at 2:00am to receive an injection in your arm or leg?  I can tell you right now, Cole hated it.  Now we just enter it into his pump and most of the time Cole will stay asleep.  Then there’s the part were Cole is high all the time (no not like drugs but his blood sugar is high).  This causes excessive thirst which in turn causes excessive urination.  Most nights his diaper is soaked through by 2:00am so even if he slept through the finger pokes, juice and insulin giving, he would normally wake up during the much needed diaper changes.  I will say lately his numbers have been a little more under control and he’s sometimes able to go without the diaper change (then again sometimes we regret that decision in the morning).  115! Yes still going up!  (Sorry side tracked)

The past few weeks Cole has been through a lot.  He came down with Hand Foot and Mouth virus.  This caused a rash that coated his feet, legs, hands, arms, chin, inside his mouth, his diaper area and some spots on his back and stomach.  The rash is still healing, lucky him diabetics take longer to heal.  The skin on his fingers and toes have all but pretty much fallen off.  It is so hard to poke his little fingers when there is no spot that does not appear to be hurting.  Of course while dealing with the recovery from HFM he has a new rash now.  This is caused by an autoimmune reaction to the viral infection (HFM).  How lucky can the kid be?  We were told that Cole appears to have a mild case, but we should watch him as a more severe case could put him in the hospital.  We are on day 3 now, so hopefully he will be ok. 

And what do sick days bring???  We check every 3 hours for blood sugar and ketones.  Sickness =   high blood sugar = ketones.  Large ketones for extended period of time = ER visit.   Oh and did I mention he threw up on Saturday.  Ugh the joys of a diabetic toddler.

With all that being said, Cole is a trooper.  He still laughs, sings, dances, jumps, plays and smiles nonstop.  Even when he feels horrible he still manages to smile.  He is the toughest little boy.  He gets his finger poked at least 5 times a day if he’s not sick or 8-15 times when sick.  He gets stabbed in the leg by his site every 2-3 days and wears a pump on his side 24 hours a day.  He gets a large stab in the booty every 6-7 days for his CGM (continuous glucose monitor). Sometimes he cries and screams about the site and the CGM and says he doesn’t like it (which breaks my heart), but a lot of the time he takes it like a champ (he of course wants his M&M treats afterwards).  He endures so much that no 2 year old should have to endure, but he’s still happy.  We are lucky that there is something we can do to keep him alive and healthy; I know others aren’t as lucky.  But I will selfishly say I wish he wasn’t diabetic.  I wish he could be a normal healthy 2 year old.  I wish his whole entire life wouldn’t be filled with needles and insulin.  I wish there was a cure. 

My point of the story though it appears I got side tracked is, I am blessed that I am his mother.  While being his mother has caused me to live through an emotional roller coaster, a life of stress knowing I am responsible for keeping him alive and healthy, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.  Cole is my son and my hero.

12:13am he’s 124… think I will get some sleep now.  Goodnight and Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there!